


Come In Alone

by twoheadedwoman



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Abuse, Character Death, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Multi, Recovery, Slow Burn, Trauma, eventual javajunkie, eventual literati
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2019-06-30 17:07:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15756096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twoheadedwoman/pseuds/twoheadedwoman
Summary: Jess is new to town, maybe Stars Hollow is what he needed to recover from his wounds.AU - I felt like the original series didn’t delve enough into Jess’ history, I always felt his past was what really created his tough exterior.This AU has a lot of what the original does with a little tweaks here and there - basically if I wrote the series, some things would be different :)





	1. Nothing Much to Lose

**Author's Note:**

> Please give me feedback! This is my second fan fiction and I really want to make this a two parter with a younger Jess vs older Jess. We’ll see where it goes!

He’d visited Stars Hollow on occasion, mostly when Liz tried to have any sort of relationship with his uncle Luke. The memories are very minimal; vague scenery consisting of mostly trees and novelty shops. He remembers his uncle as a young scruffy man who barely smiled when Liz was around, his grandfather is even less than a mirage when he tries to think of what he looked like. Luke would always fix him with food and a book whenever Liz would leave him at the diner, secretly gracious that Jess was a quiet child, he always appreciated his uncle’s demeanor.  
He’s 17 now, angry and frustrated at his circumstances, the slightest optimism buried deep within. It wasn’t his idea, Liz shoved a duffle bag in his face and told him he was going to live here now. Her boyfriend, this one sticking around for the last two years, must have gotten angry when he begun to fight back. For a second he almost thought that she was doing this for him, so he wouldn’t have to endure drunk beatings, so he could live a fairly normal life, but the thought was fleeting with each second he remembered her words, “I can’t do this anymore, you’re ruining my life and what I have with Dave! Get out!”  
His torso still displayed the faded bruises from the past week, barely managing to protect himself from a broken rib. He thinks of the small group of friends he left behind, the ones who he’d ditch class with, the ones who understood what he was going through since they faced similar. He doesn’t think he’ll find that solace in a place like Stars Hollow, a place that is the image of a hallmark card.  
The Cure played in his headphones as he looked out the window at the nearing town, the vague memories feeling more like deja vu now. The bus stopped and he looked down at the line of people waiting for their loved ones to get off, he wasn’t sure what Luke looked like now but he was guessing it was the man in flannel and a backwards baseball cap.  
Luke scanned over the passerby’s until Jess was right in front of him, “Jess?” He asked almost surprised at the difference 10 years makes.  
“Yup,” Jess answered with a straight face.  
“Wow you’re practically an adult now! Well you’re 17 but anyway how was the ride?” He was awkward, Jess knew he didn’t interact with teenagers often, let alone ones he was related to but didn’t see for 10 years.  
“Fine,” he replied with no interest.  
“Good. Uh well the apartment is this way, it isn’t much but-“ Jess began to walk away not in the mood for more forced conversation.  
He looked around at the sun-lit town and wondered how long it would be before he could get out of here.  
“So I already talked to the school, you’re all set to start on Monday,” they walked into the diner as Jess tried to ignore the stares from the townsfolk who were too excited for his arrival. He figured it would be this way, being ogled by Miss Patty and Babbette was enough to make him vomit, he felt like he was under a microscope.  
“Rory and Lorelai great! This is Jess, Jess this is Rory and Lorelai,” Luke faltered, hoping they would be his saving grace from Jess.  
“Oh! The nephew, nice to meet you,” Lorelai said enthusiastically.  
Jess gave an attempt at a smirk, getting caught up in their intense blue eyes. He was taken back by how pretty Rory was, he could feel this energy radiate off her as soon as their eyes met.  
“Hi,” Rory aired out as they continue their gaze.  
“Um, so you’re from New York? Must be a big change for you,” Lorelai said as she squinted between Jess and Rory.  
“I’ll be upstairs,” Jess said flatly breaking their eye contact.  
Luke looked at him with his mouth open about to say something before he headed up the stairs after him.  
“Lorelai can be a bit much at times, sorry if she ends up talking your ear off... we’ll figure out some storage for you, for now feel free to make yourself at home.. I have to go back down to help Cesar out, come down whenever you want something to eat!” He smiled waiting for a response to which Jess gave him a faint nod.  
He placed his bag next to the air mattress that Luke had set-up, just like home he thought.  
He went downstairs sneaking by Luke and headed out the door to explore the town which he was pretty sure would only take about five minutes considering how small it was. He passed by the novelty shops, glancing through windows but not stepping in, except for the bookstore. The window display was that of Edgar Allen Poe, papier-mâché crows and gelatinous hearts made out of resin hung by invisible strings among books opened to their respective passages. As he stepped in he nodded towards the cashier who was immersed in his own reading. Jess scanned each aisle, the walls lined to the ceiling with books in organized chaos. He turned down the classic literature section to see the girl he met in the diner just hours ago sitting with a thick book in her lap, she glanced up as she felt his steps vibrate the wooden floor.  
“Oh hi, Jess right?” she asked him with a small smile, her eyes still the intense reflecting blue he was stunned by earlier.  
“Uh yeah. Rory?” he asked but definitely didn’t forget it, her name seemed burned into his memory already.  
“Sorry if I’m in the way, I just found a rare edition of a book I really like and couldn’t put it down. Do you read? I mean you’re in a bookstore so you probably do read.. sorry..” she rambled as she finally put the book down and stood up. She smoothed her sweater, reaching up to fix her hair behind her ears, a rise in blush across her cheeks. Jess smirked slightly at her awkward reaction.  
“Yeah I know how to read,” he joked dryly.  
“Of course,” she laughed uncomfortably. They stood in front of one another awkwardly trying to find words to continue.  
“Rory? There you are, I got lost in the extensive cookbooks section then somehow went in a giant circle, I was half expecting to find the Goblin King on my way back. Oh hi Jess, didn’t mean to interrupt anything,” Lorelai stumbled as she filtered her words in front of him.  
He gave her a small smirk in response.  
“We should get going, can’t eat the three bags of takeout if we don’t start right now,” she smiled at Rory.  
“Right, yup, of course. I’ll see you around,” Rory said to Jess holding his eye contact for a second while she walked down the aisle.  
“I forgot to mention, you and Luke are invited for dinner tomorrow night. Our friend Sookie is an amazing chef, she’ll make just about anything if you bribe her. We really wanted to welcome you to our small weird town,” Lorelai said pausing to wait for his response.  
“Cool,” Jess said with the least amount of enthusiasm he could muster.  
“Okay...great, see you tomorrow then,” she said as her smile faltered with confusion and she turned to walk with Rory.  
Rory waved at him giving a small amused smile at how hard her mother was trying to crack his shell. He nodded back, turning to pick up the book Rory had set down.  
He smiled to himself, maybe not everything in this town is so bad.


	2. To Here Knows When

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess' first day of school - more character building and friendships in the making!  
> Taking this fanfic slow :)

The night terrors weren’t anything new. They always started the same; the house was dark and he’d be in his room, sometimes other areas of the house, tonight it was the kitchen.   
He’d come up from behind him and when he turned around he faced his intense gaze, two eyes that carried so much hatred, hatred that he mustered throughout the day just for him. Each blow felt like a weighted mitt when he threw them, but when Jess tried to fight back he couldn’t, his fists felt like jello, barely making a dent. He could feel the blood rushing to his head as his body tensed in his sleep, heat overriding his systems as he tried to fight his way out. The final blow would always wake him up, because he felt like he was falling into an endless black hole. Sinking into the ground underneath him.   
He startled awake, wiping sweat off his forehead as he tried to steady his breath, Luke still snoring on the bed near him. He walked over to the restroom turning on its harsh light, squinting at his reflection in the mirror. He grabbed his book and closed the door trying not to bring the light into the rest of the apartment. Each line kept his heart from beating out of his chest, the words dragging along with his sleepy eyes

I’m with you in Rockland  
In my dreams you walk dripping from a  
Sea-journey on the highway across  
America in tears to the door of my cottage  
In the western night

I’m with you in Rockland  
In my dreams you walk dripping from a  
Sea-journey on the highway 

I’m with you in Rockland  
In my dreams 

I’m with you   
\------------------------------------------------  
“Jess,” Luke said as he gently nudged him awake.  
Jess opened his eyes, immediately feeling the ache of his neck propped up against the bathroom cabinet.  
“What time is it?” he asked trying to shake off the sleep in his voice, nudging away Luke’s hand.  
“7:30, school starts in about half an hour,” he had that sympathetic look he keeps giving him, “did you sleep in here all night?”  
“Would’ve been great to have more time,” he said while he shut the door in Luke’s face.  
He quickly ran down the stairs with a book in his back pocket and his standard disheleved hairstyle.  
“You want some breakfast before you go or-”  
“Nope,” he walked past Luke and Lorelai as quickly as he could. He just wanted to get this day over with.

He received his schedule of classes, slightly amused that he was placed into AP courses. He was a couple of minutes late due to the receptionist talking his ear off at the front desk, letting him know Luke used to be the bee’s knees around these halls, formally known as Butch. He made a mental note to harass him in the future with this information. He felt a surge of anxiety as he walked down the hallway, overwhelmed by its emptiness.   
He opened the door to creative writing just as the teacher was up at the board.  
“Just in time, you must be Jess, I’m Ryan. Or Mr. Foster when the principal walks in,” he was young, probably in his early 30s with a five o clock shadow and an untucked button-up shirt.  
“Class, this is Jess. He’s from.. New York, cool, that’s enough excitement for the town to talk about for at least a month,” he joked as the class had a small wave of scoffs and giggles. Jess went to the back of the class, taking his seat as various students turned to look at him.   
He realized he didn’t bring anything to write on or with as he rushed out this morning, the anxiety creeping up in his ears in the form of his beating heart.  
“Here, you might need these,” said the girl to his left; she wore a Dead Kennedys shirt with pigtails and glasses, he remembers seeing her walking with Rory the day before.  
“Thanks. Nice shirt,” he said as he took the loose paper and pen from her hands.  
“Yours too!” she exclaimed quietly as she complimented his Ramones shirt.  
The class delve into Slaughterhouse Five, as Jess eagerly wrote notes on the book, quietly gauging the rest of the class’ opinions on its contents. It was one of his favorite books, he felt much calmer knowing at least he wouldn’t completely fuck up the first week of school.  
The day went on and his slight enthusiasm wavered as he rolled through calculus and the history of the US 1800-1900 with little interest in the subject matter, instead opening up his(Rory’s) copy of Howl and writing in the margins whenever the teacher wasn’t looking.   
The last bell couldn’t ring soon enough as the class rushed out and he made it over to his locker at the other end of the hall, stuffing the textbooks that were handed to him throughout the day, only leaving with a copy of Slaughterhouse Five.   
“Hey!” he heard behind him as he walked down the front stairs.  
He turned to see her again, the Dead Kennedys shirt replaced by a shirt that had a vague bible verse referring to heathens and the day God will come.  
“Hey. Nice shirt?” he asked with a small laugh.  
“Oh yeah, this is my going home to a strict mother who would send me away to a convent if she ever found out I listened to anything except gospel,” she rambled.  
“Huh,” he replied, smirking.  
“I’m Lane by the way, sorry I didn’t introduce myself earlier, class and all. You’re Luke’s nephew right?”  
“Jess. Uh yeah, since that’s how everyone knows me,” he rolled his eyes.  
“That’s just what Rory told me anyway, she also said you seem to have good taste in music so that’s really relieving in a town that idolizes musicals made by the town freak Kirk,” she nodded her head enthusiastically.  
“Looking forward to hearing, maybe even seeing those,” Jess knew Kirk as the peanut butter and jelly guy who asked for his sandwiches to be cut into shapes, he’s glad he had an extensive career behind him.  
“Oh, you’ll see them, and never be able to forget them,” Lane shook her head.  
Jess laughed, an actual laugh for once, he hadn’t experienced one of those since leaving New York.  
“Rory!” Lane called over to the bus stop as she stepped off the bus.  
“Hey,” she smiled at both of them and her cheeks rose as Jess noticed her school uniform.  
“Didn’t take you for a school girl outfit type,” he teased.  
“Its in trend again you know, all the girls are wearing them,” she teased back.  
He smirked at her as they all walked on, talking about music they’re listening to, giving Lane all possible details since her music collection could only be kept in the floorboards of her room.  
“Tool is totally considered a branch of grunge!” Rory argued.  
“Not at all, they’re metal at best, just because they emerged at the same time as Pearl Jam doesn’t mean they can be boxed into that genre,” Jess argued back.  
“What about his vocals! I mean those are definitely bordering on Eddie Vedder,” Lane added.  
“Please,” Jess started to add as Rory and Lane stopped in front of Lane’s house.  
“Hi Mrs. Kim,” Rory said softly.  
“Rory. Who..is this?” Mrs. Kim asked as she walked over to them and examined Jess.  
“Jess.. Ma’am,” Jess said gulping at the sheer image of a mother who could possibly send him to hell with one glance.  
“What are you doing here?” she inspected him further, squinting at his band shirt with judgement.  
“He’s Luke’s nephew mama, he’s just on the way to go study with Rory. He’s in AP classes like me, it was his first day,” Lane said as calmly as a ramble could sound.  
“Hm, AP classes you say? Well, go on then,” she said as she went inside turning back to give Lane a look for her to follow.  
“Bye guys,” Lane said as she rushed to follow suit.  
Rory and Jess gave her a small wave hoping that Mrs. Kim wouldn’t see.  
“So that’s Lane’s mom..” Jess said in slight awe.  
“Yup, she can be really nice.”  
“Huh.”  
Jess walked Rory to her house, waiting for her to shoo him off as they reached her front steps but instead she invited him in.  
“You can come in, we don’t bite. Well my mom might, but she is just my mom,” Rory said as they walked in and she threw her backpack onto her bed.  
The house seemed just as inviting as it did the night before, except now in the day he could see more of its character. The quirks and appeal of their collected mis-matched furniture and worn in couch that only seemed comfier illuminated in the light.  
“I’m just going to change real quick, feel free to anything in the fridge, except it might only be old takeout and a half-eaten poptart,” she said as she closed the door to her room.  
“Tempting,” Jess said to himself as he walked over to the fridge. He took out a bottle of beer, knowing full well Rory wouldn’t approve of his actions. He opened it with the carabiner of his keys, stepping out to the back porch and sipping down its contents.  
“Really,” she said as she stepped back there with him.  
“Do you never break the rules?” Jess smirked as he took another sip.  
She squinted at him, almost falling for his dare until she heard the front door.  
“Rory! Fruit of my loins! I’m home!” Lorelai yelled as she went into the house.  
Rory grabbed the bottle of beer from Jess’ hands as she put it behind her back on the railing of the porch, hiding it as she moved a little closer to him.  
“Oh hi, there you are,” Lorelai opened the door looking between them. “Hi Jess, if I knew you were coming over, I would’ve left more than a half-eaten poptart in the fridge,” she joked looking him up and down with slight suspicion.  
“I just met up with him and Lane after school. They were by the bus stop and Lane would’ve also came over if it weren’t for her mom seeing as she we walked by her house,” Rory had a slight blush in her cheeks as her arm rested against his.  
“That Mrs. Kim, well since you’re both here, how about pizza?” she asked walking back into the kitchen taking off her heels.  
“Um, I should probably get back to the diner,” Jess said as he grabbed his backpack from the living room.  
“I’m sure Luke won’t mind, I could call him if that would help,” Lorelai said as she picked up the phone.  
“Its fine,” he replied, unsure if he could really trust her.  
“Okay, another time then,” she smiled at him.  
“Bye Rory. Ms. Gilmore,” he said as he awkwardly walked out the front door.  
“Wait,” Rory said closing the door behind them, “you should stay for pizza, she’s really not as scary as she seems.”  
“Its okay, should probably make sure Luke didn’t think I skipped town..yet,” he smirked.  
“Oh, but here,” he reached into his bag giving her Howl.  
“You got a copy?” she smiled.  
“Its yours.”  
“You stole my book?” her expression changed to confused.  
“Borrowed it,” he smiled.  
“You stole my book?”  
“I wrote some things in the margins for you. I made it better.”  
“You stole and vandalized my book?” she said as she smiled with a death glare.  
“You’re welcome. Bye Rory,” he said as he walked down the stairs looking behind him.  
“Bye, Dodger,” Rory said walking back to the doorway.  
He paused, thinking the phrase over, trying to remember its origin.  
“Oliver Twist!” he yelled back as she closed the door giving him a smile.  
He looked at the door for awhile, smiling to himself.   
\---------------------------------------------  
“How was the first day of school?” Luke asked as he walked in.  
“Fine,” he replied with his usual monotonous attitude, taking out his copy of Slaughterhouse Five.  
Luke looked at him for a second longer, wondering if he should continue the conversation, instead bringing him a sandwich and rootbeer.  
Jess looked at his offering, taking a bite as he read along.

And I asked myself about the present:   
how wide it was,   
how deep it was,  
how much was mine to keep.


	3. Criminal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How many strikes till Jess is out?

The rest of the week went along in a blur. He was able to peg who he should avoid in the halls and hungout with Lane as best as he could in their classes. He still felt the lingering loneliness even if he was used to that by now.  
It was finally lunch, the time when he wasn’t forced to interact with his surroundings; he slipped on his headphones and took out an old copy of Naked Lunch. He was bored of his collection at this point but not ready to be the kid who hangs at the library by himself yet.  
He felt a tap on his shoulder and looked up, “Jess, right? The counselor wants to see you,” he recognized her from his creative writing class; she had long blonde hair and dark eyeliner that seemed more intense encapsulating her green eyes.  
“Why?”  
“I don’t know, I’m only asked to send people. Have fun,” she scurried away and left him with a confused look on his face.  
Jess walked to the counselor’s office and looked at the group of seemingly popular girls who all wore the same outfit in different colors staring at him from their lockers as he walked by. He didn’t bother to look back at them.  
The door was already open as he walked in to face a petite woman with peppered hair and large glasses sitting at the desk in front of him.  
“Oh! You must be Jess, I’m Jenny, the counselor here,” she shook his reluctant hand.  
“Why am I here?” he asked, wanting to get to the chase and back to what he was doing - enjoying his small patch of solitude.  
“Well you’re new here and its required I check in with you the first week of school. Plus, we were slightly concerned about your behavior at lunch,” she had an annoyingly calm tone to her voice, like she practiced how affirming she had to be with each word.  
“Concerning behavior? Like reading and listening to music?”   
“Like not interacting with your fellow peers. Its only natural for your first week to be tough and to be shy about getting to know new people,” she smiled.  
“So you’re saying I’m in trouble because I’m reading and keeping to myself for half an hour? I interact with these people all day,” he was irritated and didn’t know how to control his frustration, but was determined to hold his ground.  
“You're not in trouble. Its great that you’re reading and I totally understand that you’d like some private time in a hectic environment. We do think you’d benefit from some extracurricular activities. Have you thought about doing some creative writing workshops? Mr. Foster is really impressed with you and thinks you’d really make a great fit with the other writers in his class,” her smile didn’t waver as she handed him the flier.  
The flier read as a weird punk show but instead of bands such as Snotrocket, it was a workshop for zines that could be published weekly.  
“Now you don’t have to make any decisions now, think about it, I think it’d be great for you to be able to meet students who are like-minded as yourself. Melissa who brought you in is part of the workshop, like you she was new earlier this year and just last week she had a story of hers published in the town’s newspaper.”  
Jess looked over the flier, not entirely sure he hated the idea, he crinkled it into his backpack nonetheless.  
“Is this it? Or do I need to do a psych evaluation too?”   
“That’s all. I am here for you though, if you do need to talk about anything,” she looked at him and down at the fading bruise on his arm that snuck out under his flannel. The look she gave him was similar to the others; concerned, parental, close to knowing, it was obvious she was looking at his record before this. He had moved schools often enough that though each counselor he had to talk to would get closer to getting into his shell, he would always be able to leave. He moved his sleeve further down his arm and grabbed his backpack with one arm.   
“Thanks,” he said half-heartedly as he left. He looked down the hall where the girls who had stared at him previously were already gone. But the girl who had originally sent for him, Melissa, was sitting on the small edge of the window eating her lunch while reading a book in her lap.   
He turned to go back to the cafeteria, maybe this would be a good way to get this school off his back.  
\-------------------------------------------------  
He went down to the bridge afterschool, a spot of the town that always seemed to be deserted when he went there. He suspected that had something to do with the sign and chain before its start that said it was under construction, but he pretended not to notice that.  
He laid on his back with his headphones on, looking at the patches of blue sky that snuck through the overcast clouds. Winter was coming, his favorite season.  
He kept the Guided By Voices CD in his cd player on repeat as he drifted off, he didn’t know he could be this tired.  
The same demons were there, the same punches, the same feeling of suffocation. He managed to warn them off for most of the week after the first episode, but it was only a matter of time before they came back. He was seeing the same flashbacks throughout the day, the ones he avoided by not going to school in the first place.  
There was one day about two years ago when Dave insisted on taking him to school. It was 8 in the morning and he was drunk already, Jess was reluctant to let him do so but knew if he didn’t he would take it out on him or worse leave and have Liz never let him live it down like all the others.  
Dave behind the wheel was already bad, Dave behind the wheel in morning traffic in Brooklyn, the knots in Jess’ stomach said it all.  
By some sort of out of universe grace, they made it despite the close encounters with honking cars who had the right of way.   
“See that wasn’t so bad,” Dave said as he placed a hand on Jess’ shoulder.  
“Yeah glad you missed the three cars who almost rammed into us,” as the words left his mouth he felt the instant regret of what was to come. Over the short time they’ve gotten to know each other, Jess learned to steer clear of him, even before he began the physical abuse.   
Dave grabbed the back of Jess’ head, a handful of hair in his fist. Jess clenched his jaw, trying not to show how much pain he was in.  
“You really need to learn how to be grateful. You would be nothing without me,” his breath smelled like stale whiskey. He let go of his head hard enough for his lip to hit the glove department. Jess wiped the bit of blood that dripped off it.  
“Jess,” he felt someone shake his shoulder, the voice a meer echo in the dark.  
He sat up quickly startled, taking off his headphones still blaring its music. He looked up to find a confused Rory looking down at him.  
“Sorry, uh must have fallen asleep,” he ran his hand through his hair, trying to wipe away the beads of sweat before she noticed.  
She sat down next to him, “You know this bridge is under construction.”  
“Really? Seems sturdy enough to me.”  
“Yeah there’s signs on almost every tree here.”  
“Oh, I thought you knew, I can’t read,” he joked looking at her as she burst into laughter.  
“What are you really doing here?”  
“Well..no one else seems to come here so,” he said jokingly.  
“Oh well, don’t let me interrupt. Though you might need me when the bridge caves in under you.”  
“I think I can survive waist deep water.”  
She nudged him.  
“Its quiet here. I wanted to find a place that I could just breathe and not see someone just staring at me at every corner I turn.”  
“Don’t worry, your popularity will wear off. Except I’ve been hearing stories about you.”  
“Oh yeah? Like what?”  
“You’re the son of a mob-boss to moved here to get away from the family business. You know how to hot-wire cars and robbed a string of 7-11s on your way here. You were raised by a pack of wolves, you know the usual.”  
“Huh. Sounds like everyone thinks I’m cooler than I really am. I’ve never met my dad, I wouldn’t even rob a 7-11 if I could, and there aren’t any wolves in New York. Maybe some stray dogs, but I generally steer clear of those.”  
“Wait, so you know how to hot-wire a car?!”  
“I didn’t say anything,” he threw his hands up.  
“Sorry to pry into your personal life. Sorry..about your dad,” she said looking down at her shoes.  
“Its okay. There were letters for awhile, those kind of stopped. You can’t really miss someone you never met.”  
They sat quietly for what felt like eternity, but it didn’t feel awkward, it felt the most peaceful he did all week. Something about her helped him open up, he didn’t feel judged.  
“My mom just raised me. I know my dad, but he’s not really in the picture. It was kind of a mutual choice. The universe kind of forced it that way I guess,” she said matter-of-factly.  
“Seems like you’re doing fine. Unless..you’re the one who knows how to hot-wire a car,” he squinted at her sideways.  
“That would be cool. I could shakeoff my perfect princess of Stars Hollow exterior.”  
“Perfect princess huh?”  
“Its a whole thing. We’re only allowed to get into one personal story today,” she laughed.  
“C’mon, I didn’t know about this boundary,” he poked her.  
“Well, you’ll just have to come for pizza and have my mom tell you all about it.”  
“I’m good.”  
“Why not? Its free pizza and we’ll probably watch Almost Famous for the thousandth time. Plus Luke is invited so she won’t have to talk your ear off the whole time, she’ll just do that to him instead.”  
“I don’t really like to hangout with...adults. I don’t mix with them well.”  
“My mom an adult? Never let her hear that from you.”  
“I do like Almost Famous…”  
“Who doesn’t! So is that a yes?” she smiled at him.  
“Okay, but if I don’t hear this princess story at some point during the night then I’m out.”  
“Deal,” she said shaking his hand. He kept her eye contact until she turned her head, tucking her hair behind her ear.  
He smirked to himself as they walked to Doosey’s to pick up extra snacks to go with the pizza.  
“We could use these. Oh and these,” Rory said as she dropped three different types of potato chips in her basket.  
“How many people are we feeding?” he look surprised, especially considering Rory was a waif.  
“That’s not the point. The point is options,” she reassured him. He nodded his head, not trying to question her sound judgement.  
“Hey! I didn’t think you’d be in today,” the tall stockboy with the feathery hair said as he grabbed Rory into a hug.  
“Oh, yeah, you know pizza night. Needs the essentials...have you met Jess? Jess this is Dean, my boyfriend. Dean, this is Jess, Luke’s nephew,” she stumbled on her words as her face reddened.  
“Nice to meet you,” Dean said with a small smile looking over at Jess.  
“Hey,” he replied awkwardly, unsure how to feel about this whole situation. He can’t say that he necessarily felt jealousy, since he just met Rory, but their instant connection left him feeling a bit uneasy. Did Dean have the same conversations they did?  
“Well uh don’t let me interrupt the pizza night,” Dean turned to go back to stocking.  
“Its not like that. I knew you’d be working tonight,” she grabbed his arm to reassure him. Jess felt awkward waiting there and began fidgeting with the cigarettes in his pocket.  
“Its fine, we’ll see each other tomorrow night, right?” he gave her a kiss as Jess turned his head pretending to investigate the ingredients on a bar of chocolate.   
“It was nice meeting you Jess, see you at school,” Dean said with intense eye contact. He recalled seeing him briefly during P.E., that same eye contact. He knew when he was being sized up.  
“Yup,” Jess said back with a unenthused smirk. He planned to avoid contact with Dean as much as possible, he already knew that he was lucky that Rory had any interest in him in the first place and didn’t want any strikes against him.  
The walk back to her house was quiet. He wasn’t sure what to say or why this was especially weird to deal with, but he figured she would say something, anything, when the time came.  
“Sorry about that. He isn’t usually so..defensive? I don’t know, that was weird right?” she looked at him, hoping for answer to how she felt.  
“Its fine. Maybe a little weird, but I also don’t really know you so,” he smirked trying to lighten the mood.  
She smiled, shaking her head as she opened the front-door.  
“Mom! We’re here!” Rory said as she entered the house that was already blaring with the B-52s.  
“Oh loin fruit you’re here!” she called out walking in from the kitchen. “Oh, sorry Jess, that is a term of endearment I swear,” she joked giving him a hesitant smile. He nodded back, choosing to ignore her instead.  
“Perfect, all the essential food groups here. The gummy variety, the chocolate variety, the chip variety, I think that covers the entire food pyramid,” she continued as she took the grocery bag from Rory into the kitchen. Luke was beneath the sink fixing something or other, not getting up to greet them. The echoes of his quiet curses echoed off the pipes as he got up off the floor.   
“Oh, you’re here, great. Well, let me clean up,” Luke smiled at him, the awkwardness still lingering around the edges of his mouth. Jess acknowledged him with the same head nod he gave Lorelai as he lined up behind Rory to get some pizza.  
He noticed her portion size, four slices to start, and thought that was peculiar for someone as petite as her.  
“Huh. Are you gonna save some for the rest of us?” he joked glancing over at her as he picked his own slices.  
“You’re new here so I’ll let that slide, but just know this is a healthy portion for us Gilmores. Get used to it mister,” she squinted at him with faux-hatred.  
“That’s why we ordered three large pizzas,” Luke said matter-of-factly.  
For some reason he really liked that this was a Gilmore trait, he smirked to himself as he walked into the living room.  
He sat down on the floor by the couch, watching as Luke and Lorelai sat next to each other behind him. He didn’t know the logistics of their relationship but could see there was an unresolved tension between them. He nodded away any thoughts or images regarding their status, trying not to lose his appetite. He watched as Rory sat on the chair next to him, wondering if the new distance was because of Dean. He hid his disappointment behind his usual neutral face.  
They watched The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari despited promises of Almost Famous, or rather they had it entirely narrated by Lorelai as Luke tried to quiet her. He tried to control his irritation but couldn’t stand the grating sound of her voice.  
“I’m gonna grab a soda,” he announced to no one in particular and walked quietly to the fridge.  
He looked at the variety of beverages already on the table, but already knew what he wanted. As he opened the fridge, he noticed the beers have been replenished since the last time he was here. He took one, sliding it into the pocket of his sweatshirt as he opened the back door to the porch, closing it silently behind him. He exhaled, enjoying the quiet of the night around him, only a small light above him illuminating the yard.  
He didn’t have a bottle opener, but learned the ol’ key trick from a friend of his when they used to steal beers from Liz. As he opened it, he heard the door opening.  
“Oh, for me, hey, thanks. Refreshing. So what, you're not a fan of horror movies?” she asked looking over at him with a stern face.  
“Not really.”  
“Well, you can choose the movie next time if you’d like.”  
“Oh, well, if I'd had known that…”  
“Let me guess, you don't want to be here?”  
“Doesn't matter.”  
“I mean, here in Stars Hollow.”  
“Well geez, Ms. Gilmore, why would anyone not want to be here in Stars Hollow? That just sounds plum crazy.”  
“Ugh, Jess, let me give you a little advice. The whole “my parents don't get me” thing, I've been there.”  
“You have, huh?” he looked at her with annoyance, doubting that she could relate to anything to his life let alone his parental issues.  
“Yes, I have. I've also done the “chip on my shoulder” bit. Ooh, and the surly, sarcastic, “the world can bite my ass” bit, and let me tell you, I mastered them all, in heels, yet. And everything you're feeling might be totally justified, maybe you are getting screwed. But Luke is a great guy. He's very special, and he really wants to take care of you and make things right for you. You're incredibly lucky to have him. If you give this situation half a chance, you might be surprised at how good it can be, how much you like living here, and how comfortable it feels to have someone like Luke you can really depend on.”  
“What are you sleeping with him or something?” he knew he was crossing the line, but wanted to see how far he could go.  
“Excuse me?” she paused giving him a furrowed brow and those intense blue eyes.  
“I don't know. The whole starry eyed “you're so much better off, just give it a chance” speech. You're either really naïve, or you're getting some.”  
“Ugh. There have been very few moments in my life where I have actually wished I had one of those enormous cream pies you can just smash in someone's face, but this is definitely one of them.”  
“Well, now, that's not very neighborly.”  
“Hey, you know what, this is my house, and I choose how I get talked to in it,” she scoffed with fake laughter.  
“You know, you don't know anything about me, or my life, or my mom, or Luke, so why don't you Doctor Laura someone else.”  
“I'm going inside, stay out of my fridge.” She stormed off, slamming the door behind her, leaving his blood to boil by himself. He knew this would be a blow to Rory, but he couldn’t stand being talked down to especially by someone like Lorelai, a mother who all he knew was no better than his own.


	4. Only With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess tries to be nice. A short one as I'm finishing the semester up and going through some life changes, but I'm trying to stick to this one!

Throughout the week Jess waited for Luke’s reaction to his and Lorelai’s altercation. He wondered if he would explode or if it would be a gradual hatred for him. If he would be physical, if he would have to start covering bruises again. He swore to himself if he ever had to face a fist again, he would run away. He convinced himself if it came down to that, it would be for the best, he didn’t like it here much anyway and no one seemed to like him either.  
He didn’t see much of Rory on his daily trips to the bridge, but he figured her mom had something to do with that.  
When Friday came, he didn’t know if he was happy the school week were over or dreading being cooped up helping out the diner for the weekend.

He walked downstairs and there she was asking Luke for two danishes and two coffees. He looked out the front window as Lorelai was watching but pretending as if she was just looking through her own purse. Luke gave rory one danish and one coffee and she looked over at him with furrowed brows before walking out the door.

“What was that about?” Jess found himself asking before he could even think about it.  
“Nothing. The usual over-dramatic quips of Lorelai Gilmore...want a danish?” Luke offered.  
“Uh sure,” Jess took one before looking at him awkwardly and putting the danish in his bag and heading for school.  
“Oh, your mom called this morning,” the words made his stomach turn, a chill running through his body, freezing between the door and the counter.  
He turned slowly, “What did she want?”  
“She was just wondering how you were doing and let me know she’ll be sending the rest of your stuff soon,” Luke looked at him, trying to examine his face as he managed to stay neutral.  
“Great,” he said as monotone as possible.  
Luke stood there waiting for more words to come from him, nodding his head responding to nothing in return.  
“Okay well, see ya,” Jess turned again, closing the door behind him. He released the breath he didn’t know he was holding onto. 

School was boring as usual. He did his best to tap along to the songs in his head as he breezed through quizzes and daydreamed of his time away from this place. He looked over as Lane talked to him during lunch, not entirely listening to anything she was saying. He couldn’t stop thinking of that phone call, why his mother would bother, why she cared if she made face in front of her own brother who was more than aware of how much of a fuck up she was.

“Jess?” the girl with the long blonde hair and raccoon eyes asked him. It was afterschool and he was sitting on a bench outside, he didn’t know how long he was sitting there for.  
“Sorry to...interrupt whatever this is. Ryan asked for me to try to get you to come to this workshop,” she was unenthused about the prospect, but her green eyes still sparkled a bit in the sun that illuminated her above him.  
“Right now?” he asked, slightly intrigued by her.  
“Yeah. That’s why I’m here right now,” she rolled her eyes and he smirked.  
“Its a good way to get out of going home,” she continued without him asking.  
He thought it over, “no thanks.”  
“So you’re just going to sit here and stare at your shoes?” she scoffed.  
“Yup,” he replied with a fake smile looking up at her.  
She squinted, “you know, you might consider yourself the town’s James Dean, but you’re not fooling anyone.”  
“I was leaning more towards a Christian Slater,” he quipped.  
“Well its your loss, not mine,” she fake smiled back as she turned to walk back inside.  
“Be seeing you then,” he said after her as she flipped him off over her shoulder.  
She wasn’t bad.  
He saw Rory across from the gazebo just getting off the bus and watched her for a bit before lifting his cemented feet off the floor.  
“Hey,” he mustered as he walked up beside her.  
“I’m not talking to you,” she gazed intensely ahead, trying to avoid his eye contact.  
“What’d I do?” he smiled a bit, giving her an innocent look as she glanced over for a second.  
“Well Luke and my mom aren’t talking and you seem to be the cause of that so.”  
“So?”  
“What do you mean so? They don’t fight and if my mom’s mad at you then I am too,” she said not entirely convinced of her own words. They stopped in the middle of the sidewalk facing each other.  
“That’s a little immature don’t you think? I think you’re mom’s a big girl.”  
“That’s not the point. Why are you causing trouble?”  
“I’m not causing anything. I said one comment, that no one is proving wrong to me by the way, and she took it the wrong way. But she could easily get over it,” he shrugged and she looked at him squinting as Melissa did earlier.  
“Am I wrong?” he asked after a long pause of them just staring at one another.  
“No-but--I don’t know. It was a ridiculous comment for someone trying not to cause trouble. I know you’re going through a lot of stuff moving here, but you should try to be nice to her. At least for me.”  
“For you? What does that get me?” he bit his lip a bit, teasing her as she turned red.  
“My friendship? God, you’re needy,” she teased back.  
“Okay, that’s fair I guess,” he smirked.  
“Fine. Now let me go home please.” He moved over and let her walk ahead of him, clearing a path with a sweep of his arms.  
“Its Friday. You should help Luke out at the diner tonight,” she said as she turned to face him.  
He furrowed his brows in confusion, but figured that meant he would be able to see her later.  
\-----------------------------------------  
Jess walked around the diner around 6, filling glasses of water, clearing off tables, sweeping up as Luke stared at him with confusion from the counter.  
“What?” he finally asked in annoyance.  
“Are you...helping me?”  
“It’s something to do,” he huffed as he cleaned off the counter, moving Luke’s hands that were in the way.  
“Huh,” Luke said, shaking his head but not complaining at the prospect.  
They walked in, Rory wearing simple jeans and a tshirt as he pushed the image of her in her school uniform to the back of his head. Lorelai muttered under her breath as they sat down as Rory elbowed her.  
“Hi,” Jess said, pouring them a couple of cups of coffee. Already knowing their nightly routine.  
“Hi,” Rory replied.  
“Hi,” Lorelai said with apprehension.  
“What can I get you?” he asked, ignoring the tone of her voice.  
“Do you work here now?” Lorelai asked.  
“He’s been helping out after school, like I was telling you,” Rory lied but looked at him to interject his own.  
“Yeah, figured Luke could use the extra help and since I live here for free n all,” he was not good at pretending to be good.  
“Okay,” she looked confused at the menu as him and Rory silently talked to each other with shrugs.  
“I’ll take-”  
“A double bacon cheeseburger, fries, chocolate milkshake, and pie?” he said as Rory gave him a stunned look.  
“How did you-”  
“I remembered your orders from the last couple of times you were in.”  
“That’s...strange..maybe even a little too children of the corn for me, but I’ll take this bribe that Luke has given me. Touche Luke!” she exclaimed to him at the counter.  
“What?”  
“Getting Jess to be nice to me at the diner to make up for the other night. A real dad move, wasn’t expecting it actually. Thought we would just go on until eventually I made a joke that you hated but then you would pour my coffee and it would be all over,” she was content with herself.  
“I don’t know-” Luke started.  
“Yup, he’s a regular Mike Brady,” Jess said attempting a forced smirk as he ran the order back to Cesar.  
He leaned against the counter, reading his book as Luke talked to Lorelai and Rory smiled over at him. He snuck a smile inbetween the pages, just for her.

“That was a little much, don’t you think?” Rory said as he smoked a cigarette on the bridge that night.  
“Isn’t it past your bedtime?” he asked with a smirk.  
“Funny..Can I ask you something?” she sat next to him, glowing slightly underneath the moon’s faint glow.  
“Sure,” he breathed out the smoke in the opposite direction.  
“Why are you only nice to me?”  
“I’m not only nice to you. I was nice to Luke and your mom earlier wasn’t I?”  
“Yeah because I asked if you could be.”  
He paused, “how do you know I’m not nice to I don’t know, Miss Patty or Babette? I’ve only been here a couple weeks.”  
“Because if you were nice to them there wouldn’t be any of you left,” she laughed.  
He laughed back, “True. Well I’m nice to Lane too.”  
“You know what I mean..” she looked over at him as they locked eyes.  
He turned, clenching his jaw slightly, “You don’t..treat me like I’m the paraye of this town.”  
“I think that’s Taylor’s job,” she smiled.  
“Also true. But, really, you don’t..care about what everyone else is thinking already.”  
She looked down at the bruises that sneaked past his flannel he didn’t have time to bring down. She touched them slightly, her fingertips gentle enough to barely feel them.  
“I think you’re more than these,” she looked at him.  
They sat for awhile, the words floating between them, a silent bond in the making.  
“Can I ask you something else?”  
“Mhm.”  
“Does..Luke know about those?”  
“I don’t know. Even if he did, there isn’t really anything he could do about it now.”  
“I think he would do so much if he knew. Luke is seriously more of a dad to me than my own dad, he does so much for the people he cares about. You...just have to let him.”  
He nodded, not entirely sure what to say to that. He didn’t plan on telling Luke, he didn’t know how he would react and honestly he didn’t want to know. He wanted to leave memories of his mom and Dave behind with what they ruined of the city.  
“Well, I should go home, mom and everything.”  
They got up together and walked in silence as they reached the end of the bridge, ready to part ways.  
“Night Dodger,” she smiled at him.  
He smirked at her, “beat it.”  
He walked the opposite direction, but looked back to make sure she was still there, her silhouette disappearing into the shadows.

Fuck he thought as that familiar feeling sunk into stomach. He couldn’t like the town’s princess.


	5. Nothing Much to Lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess gets in trouble and lives up to his name as the town's spectacle as he finds an outlet that connects him to an unlikely friend.
> 
> Introduction of Dave, Luke as a father figure, and more of Melissa!(OC)

Jess and Lane sat outside during lunch, one of the only tables that was empty. The late spring brought enough sun for the concrete to radiate during the day, Jess hated it.  
“Remind me why we’re outside again?”  
“So I can look at him.”  
“Who?”  
“Have you not been listening to me the last 10 minutes! Dave, he’s a new guy, a senior,” she sighed as placed her head on her palms, a dreamy look to her eyes. Jess rolled his eyes, turning to see who she was fawning over. He looked around to see a lanky kid with a mop of hair lugging a guitar case off the floor. He was wearing a Death Cab For Cutie shirt under a button-up, really honing in on the indie aesthetic. His eyes wandered to Melissa talking with a group of kids who looked like they could be a part of a magazine spread for grunge and holding onto the 90s. She seemed slightly out of place, but not by much, a smile on her face which he didn’t know she could achieve.  
“You should watch out for her,” Lane warned, noticing where he was staring.  
“Who?” he asked, playing dumb.  
“You know who, Melissa. She has quite a reputation around here.”  
“Like what? Did she ditch the spring formal or something?”  
Lane gave him an exasperated look, “More like she’s in Stars Hollow because she was caught selling drugs at her old school and was expelled. Plus she has a string of boys, just like you, that she’s left behind heartbroken.”  
“Wow, for someone who listens to Bikini Kill, I didn’t expect all the girl hate. Do you believe what everyone says about me?”  
“No.”  
“And you’re still hanging out with me right?”  
“Yes but-”  
“No buts, you know that’s bullshit to do to someone.” He didn’t know why it upset him so much, he didn’t know her at all but felt like they were in similar boats.  
“You’re right. Wow, didn’t think I’d be saying that,” she laughed taking a last bite from her sandwich as the bell rang.  
They walked inside and parted ways to their separate classes. Jess walked over to his locker as he walked past Rob Evans with his posse of similar meatheads.  
“I heard he got beat up and that’s why he’s here,” he snickered to his gang of neanderthals, not bothering to lower his voice.  
Jess stopped, “What’d you say?” he turned to face them, trying to calm down his heightened heart rate.  
“Nothing, it wasn’t about you New York,” he laughed, proud of his lack of insult.  
“No, I think you were talking about me so I think you should say it to my face,” Jess stepped closer to him, leaving his backpack in the middle of the hall. Students walked by, a couple staying behind to see what could unfold.  
“I heard you were too pussy to fight back and your mommy sent you here to lick your wounds.”  
Jess scoffed, “I think you better mind your business if you know what’s good for you.”  
“Oh yeah? And what are you going to do pretty boy? Seems like you don’t know how to handle a couple of punches like a man.”  
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jess could feel his blood boiling as his clenched his fist.  
Rob pushed him, laughing it off, trying to show off to his friends.  
Before he could stop himself, Jess grabbed Rob by the shirt and swung. He felt out of his body in that moment as a crowd formed around them and he dodged Rob’s blow back. He punched him again and again until they were on the floor, until someone was grabbing them both pulling them apart.  
The next thing he knew, he was sitting in the principal’s office. Rob sat a couple seat next to him with an ice pack on his face.  
His leg shook as the clock’s arms ticked by, waiting for Luke to come and get him, for them to talk about suspension, expulsion, whatever it was they deemed fit for how useless he felt.  
It wasn’t that he didn’t deserve it, he definitely did, and it felt good. No, great. To release the tension that laid on his shoulders as soon as he questioned Jess’ ability to protect himself. He vowed he would never let another hand raise to him without repercussions and that meant everyone.  
Luke came in flustered, asking the bored secretary behind the desk for help, not noticing right away that Jess was sitting right there. The secretary sighed and looked over at him with disappointment, saying the principal will be right with him. Luke looked over, his face dropping as he saw who was the perpetrator in this. The disappointment mounted on Jess’ chest as Luke silently sat next to him, his knee shaking with anxiety.  
He could feel his dissociation thicken as they sat in the principal’s office. He heard the words suspended, not tolerated, permanent record, nothing he hadn’t heard before. As they walked out, he walked passed Rob and presumably his mother who was holding his face in her hands, she gave him a death glare, he tried not to smirk.  
They walked in silence until they reached the diner. “Go upstairs, I have to finish down here,” Luke said, not giving him eye contact.  
Jess sat on his inflatable mattress, staring into the empty room as the rays of light streaked through the curtains. He took out a cigarette and lit it; inhaling, exhaling, trying to ground himself. He doesn’t know how long he was sitting there, breathing in the burn that hit the sides of his lungs.  
Luke took the cigarette out of his mouth, throwing it out the window, “To start, this is done!”  
“What the he-”  
“Here, nicotine patches, gum, bubblegum cigarettes, I don’t care you’re not smoking anymore, you hear me? You’re going to get up, go to school, come home, do homework, bus tables, go to sleep, and do it all over again until the school year is over.”  
“I’m suspended.”  
“No you aren’t, you’re on a final warning, because apparently you already have three. From this point on, you’re staying on my plan and know that this is my time. You’re not in New York anymore, you’re under my roof, which means you are my responsibility. I don’t know what happened when you were with my idiotic sister, but here you’re going to do better. I’m not going to let you drown, do you hear me?” he exclaimed, surprise by his own string of words.  
Jess looked at him, completely puzzled. He got up and grabbed his jacket, slamming the door behind him.  
“Jess,” Luke said as he closed the door to the diner not looking behind him.  
It was 3pm and class let out as he walked by school, students whispering behind hands as they looked at him. He took out a cigarette from his pack the lay hidden in his inner pocket, lighting it up as he stared forward.  
“Hey,” a familiar voice said by him. He looked to see Melissa walking next to him.  
“What do you want?”  
“Nothing. I just wanted to talk to you-”  
“Look, I’m not having a good day, I need this cigarette and if you’re going to also tell me why I don’t belong in this town, you could maybe line up with everyone else and stuff it into a suggestion box because I’m not in the mood.”  
She laughed, that smile he saw from earlier illuminating her eyes, “I wanted to say Rob deserved it and I’m glad someone was able to put him in his place. God knows I’ve tried.”  
He stood there, squinting at her trying to find the faux-kindness that he felt from the rest of this town.  
“Okay. Is he a guy you messed with or something?”  
Her smile faded, “Cool, I figured you were also someone this town liked to prey on and thought would be different, but nevermind,” she began to walk away, her eyes shifting to the floor.  
“Wait, I’m..sorry, I don’t know why I said that.” Jess wasn’t one for apologies, but he knew that was fucked up even for him. Especially since he scolded Lane for doing the same earlier.  
“You know if you tried to actually not be a dick, you wouldn’t be as bad.”  
“But would I be as interesting?” he smirked.  
She winced at him, “I was going to ask if you wanted to come to the meeting after school. I know you could use the excuse to get the principal off your back and honestly it would be nice to not be the one stared at for once.”  
“No thanks.”  
“Are you just going to the bridge to stare at your shoes again?”  
He laughed, “Are you following me?”  
“Please, seems right up your alley, James Dean.”  
They stood there, staring at each other until she broke their eye contact focusing on the bracelets on her arms.  
“Okay,” he finally said.  
“Okay? Didn’t think it would be this easy, you’re a lot softer than people think you are,” she laughed as she turned for him to follow.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------  
“Jess! Great, we were hoping to see you one of these meetings,” Ryan patted him on the back, which he hated and immediately regretted his decision to walk in here.  
“Melissa can walk you through the steps, we’re still at the basics,” he gave him a smile through the five o’clock shadow that he didn’t bother to shave before coming to school.  
“Okay,” Jess forced a small smile.  
“He’s really not that bad,” she whispered, noticing his irritation.  
“Sure.”  
“This is Danielle, Paul, and Dave. Usually there’s more of us, but it varies on the season.”  
They all glanced up from their various papers, newspaper clippings, and hodge podge to give him a nod.  
“So is this the after school program for the freaks then?” he asked as they all rolled their eyes almost simultaneously.  
“Yeah and you’re a freak too, so shut up,” she shoved some paper in his hands.  
“What do you want me to do with this?”  
“Write, draw, I don’t know, whatever comes to mind. Seems like you read enough to figure this out.”  
She turned before she could see his face of disapproval as he sat at a different table that was clear of debris.  
He sat there, with a pen in his hand, wondering why he said yes to this, was he really this desperate?  
He put the pen to paper and wrote down what he thought in that moment, he tried to channel Gonzo, keeping it raw and in first person. The pen glided as he focused on getting each word down. His words flowed with ease when he stopped thinking about their purpose and instead let them take over his motor skills.  
“Jess?” Melissa asked, taking him out of his trance.  
“What?”  
“We have to go,” she looked at him with furrowed brows, glancing down at his paper as he pulled them up. He looked around the room and realized no one else was there, not even Ryan.  
“You were kind of lost there for a second. I get like that too when I write.”  
He felt embarrassed like someone was looking in on his most personal thoughts.  
“Its whatever. Just scratches on a piece of paper. Trash.”  
“Okay. If that helps you,” she looked at him with sympathy. He hated it.  
“Well, bye,” he moved passed her.  
“It would be a lot less exhausting if you didn’t pretend to hate everything all the time,” she said behind him as he opened the door to the empty hall.  
He walked out, exhaling into the familiar smell of used books and floor cleaner. He noticed the gym was opened, a cart full of a bag of baseballs just sitting there in the dark wood-paneled room.

He managed to sneak the bag of baseballs, much heavier than he figured they would be, unnoticed down to the bridge. He caught his breath, cursing his nicotine addiction as he untied the drawstring at its top, dumping the balls into the lake. Each one splashing and making ripples as it hit the water. He smirked, proud of his achievement, thinking of what Rob and his teammates will think when they get to school the next day.

The little things that make things bearable. Make things feel in control.


	6. Maybe, maybe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess' reputation continues to make a name for itself and he confines in someone new. A glimpse into the possibilities of the town since I feel like we didn't get to see much outside of the Gilmore household!  
> For me high school was super isolating and surrounded by my misfit friends, I mirrored that a bit in this chapter :)

The truth is since that day at school, he couldn’t stop writing. Its as if a flood gate opened and he could feel every ounce of him spread into the lines of each piece of paper. He started using the empty notebook he had reserved for math, the spiral edging providing more privacy.  
When he would wake up in the middle of the night, he would write until he could feel the weight of sleep on his eyelids. They were mostly thoughts, experiences, and feelings he wasn’t sure how to convey in real life but able to write them with ease. Each word lifted a part of himself that usually felt shameful, heavy, grey.  
The weeks since his souffle with Rob were quiet. Luke went back to the usual small talk, he kept him off his back by working in the diner and at least looking like he was doing homework even though he definitely wasn’t, instead covering a book of his choosing with the shell of a textbook.   
Kids at school generally kept their distance from him, the usual rumors spreading about who he was, where he came from, etc. nothing he wasn’t already used to ignoring. News of his gleaming reputation made it into town, providing more fire for Taylor’s consistent harassment and annoyance. Even Lane had to keep their hangouts brief as to not run into the wrath of Mrs. Kim.  
His new found, or rather solidified image, strained his relationship with Rory; she was the only person who bothered to scratch the surface of his life, of why he was here, and that was ruined with one aggressive throw to a jock’s face. He kept it cool to the best of his ability when she was in the diner, but Lorelai’s face provided the necessary “STAY AWAY’ scowl to keep him from really conversing with her. She ceased to show up at the bridge when he would head there after school, leaving him with anxious thoughts masked with cigarette smoke.  
If he could somehow get back on her good side, it would make this town a lot more bearable.  
“Hey,” Melissa said next to his locker as he opened it.  
“Hi,” Jess replied glancing over at her as he walked towards the exit.   
“So there’s a house show happening tonight. You seem like you don’t listen to..terrible music? You should come,” she was walking stride to stride with his pace as he walked to the diner.  
“No thanks.”  
“Some punk bands are coming from out of town, I swear it isn’t small town country. I feel like you could use a break from your Holden Caulfield identity,” she teased, they stopped by the gazebo as he looked at her, trying to figure out her ulterior motives.  
“Why?”  
“Why what?”  
“Why are you inviting me to this?”  
“Do you have anything better to do?”  
He paused, quickly muelling over his options, “Haven’t really looked at all the unicorn figurine stores yet.”  
“Okay, well after that whole five minutes, if you find you’re looking for further stimulation, you should come by.”   
She handed him a small handmade flier, a collage in black and white with mostly indecipherable band names and the address.  
“It’s on Plum Street, you’ll find it.”  
He nodded, locking eye contact with her.  
“Okay..well...see you later maybe,” she shook her head looking down as she walked past him.  
He stuffed the flier in his pocket as he looked up to find Rory walking on the sidewalk with her head in a book. He walked quickly, slightly behind her to catch up, hoping to take advantage of this time she wasn’t surrounded by people who collectively hated him.  
“Hi,” he said, walking next to her.  
“Hi,” her face turned from slight surprise to concern as she closed her book.  
“How are you?” he smirked, already tripping over his words.  
“Fine,” she quipped, her pace quickening.  
“School’s good?”  
“Yup.”  
“Your mom?”  
“Yup.”  
“The world at large?”  
“If I answer all these questions will you go away?”   
“That depends, what did I do for the cold shoulder?”  
“Seriously?” they stopped suddenly in front of Doose’s, Jess almost running into Rory with lack of momentum.  
“Yeah, why are you avoiding me?”  
“I’m not avoiding you,” she looked to the ground as he felt the familiar ache in his chest.  
“Really because usually when friends tell each other pretty..serious shit, they don’t just disappear. Did I scare you or something?”  
“No.”  
“Then why can’t you even look at me.”  
“I heard about what happened with Rob.”  
“Ah, didn’t know you were friends with him.”  
“I’m not, it's the fight part of that equation. And the missing baseballs. And Babette’s gnomes. And the missing bridge money.”  
“You think I did all of that?”  
“I..don’t know. Seems like your M.O.” She kept her gaze transfixed on the glittered speckles of the concrete beneath them.  
“Huh. Didn’t take you for someone to believe rumors.”  
“Can we..talk somewhere else?” she asked finally meeting his eyes, the clear blue not giving him any hints of what she was thinking.  
He nodded as she walked them towards the familiar bridge they had once spent their afternoons on. She surveilled the sidewalks, quick to move down alleys that were less populated. She didn’t want to be seen with him. The ache grew as they silently made their way.   
They didn’t sit down, instead leaning against the wooden rails that lined the small hill built just over one part of the man-made pond. His tongue felt swollen in his mouth, trapping in what he was feeling in a lump that lived in his throat.  
“So..did you do..any of those things? Or should I say commit any of those petty crimes?” he felt like he was being interrogated.  
“Petty crimes? Have you been watching Law & Order again?,” he teased, trying to grasp at what he knew was familiar.  
“Jess, be serious. Did you?”  
He paused, wondering what path he was about to take, the word rolling around in his decision.  
“Yes.”  
“Yes!?”  
“Yes I did. But they were all with reason.”  
“Okay, I’m listening,” she was irritated. Of what he wasn’t too sure; his disposition, his impulsive behavior, his defense mechanisms?  
“Okay uh.. Well Babette said I was a “no-good hoodlum bent on ruining the town’s life” and I think Taylor said something along the lines of “thug who came from a broken home and knows no better,” of course they did say both of these comments as if I weren’t in earshot of them and though that could be considered a sucker move, I feel like I was pretty justified in my response,” he had his left hand up and out, the other hovering over a stack of invisible bibles.  
“Oh,” her furrowed brows subsided, her face sinking into the familiar sympathy he was used to at this point.  
“I’m not going to apologize for how I react to how I’m being treated.”  
“And you shouldn’t.”  
“So..are we still friends? Or was I imagining you not wanting to be seen with me on the way over here.”  
“Well..Dean..I-” he wasn’t used to her not being unsure of her words.  
“Dean?”  
“Yes, my boyfriend, you remember him right?”  
“Vaguely. Tall, slightly slumped over, general distaste for anything not hockey related.”  
“Jess.”  
“What about him, Rory?”  
“He thinks you like me okay and isn’t exactly the biggest fan of you.”  
“Ah so Dean is freaking out about you being friends with other males. Seems a little archaic don’t you think?”  
“That’s not the point.”  
“Not enough places at the watering hole?”  
“Do you like me?” the question was so abrupt, the words almost stringed together.  
“What?”  
“Do you like-like me?”  
“What are we, in kindergarten?”  
She looked at him, her gaze intensifying as her cheeks reddened.   
“No..Do you like me?” he smirked, hiding his lie with his usual sarcastic tone.  
“We’re friends.”  
“Yup. Friends.”  
They stood there, gazes moving down to the still water beneath them, mirroring their reflections.  
“Have you read the Fountainhead yet?” she asked, breaking the silence.  
“I tried, I don’t know what you see in that nut.”  
“What do you mean! I really feel like you should give her another try. I’ll even give the insufferable Hemingway a chance in exchange.”  
“Deal,” he smirked, holding her eye contact as she smiled back tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.  
“Well, I have to meet Dean.”  
“Right.”  
“Walk me to the diner?”  
“That is the direction I’m going, I guess I can do that.”  
She nudged him and they fell into the usual conversation going over their week’s books and music they’ve been listening to. Rory told him about what was happening in the rich reality of her grandparents while Jess exchanged quips he witnessed at the diner.  
As they reached the diner, they parted ways just in time for Rory to sit down before Dean walked in. Jess walked towards the staircase upstairs, looking back to the couple, making eye contact with Rory as she smiled.   
He couldn’t like the town’s princess, he reminded himself.  
\---------------------------------------------------  
He laid on his cot, not the most comfortable but better than the inflatable mattress, trying hard to focus on Fountainhead and thinking back to his afternoon. He turned, attempting to find a spot that would give him the attention span he needed, the crinkle of paper beneath him. He sighed, laying the book on his chest, reaching into his pocket. He looked at the flier again, the show was set to start at 7pm and he figured that was a hard timeline considering his surroundings. He couldn’t imagine who lived at this house that would allow such a taboo event to happen in Stars Hollow. Looking over at the clock, 7:30 blinked in red and his decision was made. He grabbed his jean jacket and stuffed his book into his back pocket just in case.  
“I’m going out,” he told Luke as he walked towards the diner’s door.  
“Oh..where to?” Luke seemed surprised, he hadn’t really done much going out in weeks after discovering how little there was to go out to.  
“Out. I’ll be back by 11,” he figured that’s all the information he needed to give him.  
“Okay. Well stay safe,” Luke awkwardly smiled, standing there with a coffee pot in his hand, unsure what else to say.  
Jess nodded, turning to leave.

The house was easy to find as expected. It was a distinct shade of orange that glowed even under the dark of night, he heard the loud chaotic mixture of instruments as he approached the front of the house. He handed over a five dollar bill to the doorman who seemed completely uninterested in his surroundings, cloaked in all black and spikes, his hair a frenzy of glue and bleach. He fished out a pair of earplugs from a small tub that sat on the kitchen’s island. Inside, the house seemed almost too normal for what he expected; cream walls, minimal furniture, stereotypical paintings that would typically be found in a thrift store. He shuffled between people, each one similar to the one at the door, he stuck out like a sore thumb with his lack of punk paraphernalia and he wondered who was considered more punk in this situation.   
He made it to the garage, the band playing a familiar three-chord progression in an upbeat tempo akin to that of the Ramones. He looked around wondering where all these people came from, only vaguely noticing kids he saw at school who stuck out almost as much as he did. Melissa stood to the front, her head bobbing and her eyes focused on the band in front of her. Everyone had a red cup in hand, almost picturesque of what you would imagine an afterschool special about misfit teenagers would look like. The band finished their set and mumbled their name which Jess couldn’t hear, he figured it was What Happened to Baby Jane? But he only based that on the line up listed on the flier.  
He walked with the crowd to the kitchen, eyeing the plethora of beer and open keg. He wasn’t sure if he could sneak into the diner smelling like alcohol, he half expected that Luke would stay up for him thinking he was out running an underground gambling ring.   
“Are you going to drink it or just stare at it?” Melissa said suddenly at his side.  
“Haven’t decided yet.”  
“If I pour you a cup, you could always say it was peer pressure.”  
“I feel like that might be hard to get away with but sure.”  
She handed him a cup of whatever was in an indiscript can.   
“So you made it through the rest of the unicorn figurine stores?”  
“Oh no, figured I would save that for another day when I had more time.”  
“Smart,” she laughed, picking up on his sarcasm easily.  
The other band began to start and Jess wondered if they even bothered to switch instruments.  
“Think I might sit this one out, but don’t let me stop you,” he said, looking towards the porch in the back.  
“Mind if I join you actually? Unless moody loner is what you’re going for.”  
“Uh sure. Just don’t let anyone see you coming with me, it could really hurt my image,” they smirked, walking through the now empty living room.  
“So whose house is this?”  
“Oh, its mine. Or technically I live here now, but it's my mother’s.”  
“Huh. She know this is going on?”  
“Nope, she’s on a “business” trip which probably means she needs a break from me.”  
“Ah yes, I’m a big fan of those trips.”  
She laughed looking over at him, her eyes still managing to remain a bright emerald under the dull lamp outside.  
“Why are you here?”  
“You invited me.”  
“No, I mean in Stars Hollow.”  
“Oh uh, my mom sent me here. Forced me here would be a better way to put it.”  
“You’re really that bad huh?”  
“If that’s what everyone wants to think, sure.”  
“Then why?”  
Jess remained silent, shrugging his shoulders. He didn’t have enough alcohol in his system to spill his secrets to another person he barely knew.  
“If I tell you why I’m here, would you tell me?”  
“Uh that’s not how it works. I make no promises.”  
“Okay well, I was living with my dad but he died in a car accident and I was stuck with my emotionally abusive stepmom while she started dating her alcoholic boyfriend. It took months to convince my mom that it was all happening, I didn’t exactly have a good track record with her. And this is why I put on shows when she’s out of town.”  
“I’m sorry about..well your general state but why are you telling me this?”  
“It's not so bad. She’s not so bad now that I’m not stealing from Doose’s, throwing Darlene Fink’s gym clothes into the school pool, or taking her car in the middle of the night.”  
“Where’d you take the car to?” Jess laughed.  
“Its dumb, but there’s a Shakey’s in Hartford, open super late. It's just nice to go somewhere that’s a bit more twilight zone than this place.”  
He smiled, “Can’t really imagine that.”  
“So...why are you here?”  
He paused, clenching his jaw, he wasn’t sure if trauma-bonding is what he wanted to do with one of the only people he found interesting in this town.  
“Mom’s an alcoholic, Her boyfriend used me as a punching bag. Guess I interrupted the flow when I started defending myself so she kicked me out.”  
He looked over at Melissa, feeling slightly nauseated thinking back to his time in the city, keeping his torture to himself until he was sick.  
“I’m sorry,” she looked at him with glassy eyes, touching his hand on the porch railing.  
“It's been...awhile. But I rather not talk about it anymore.”  
“Yeah of course. Sorry I asked, I didn’t-.”  
“So...is there more to this house?” he asked, trying to change the subject.  
“Oh yeah, I should give you the tour,” she smiled, taking his hand.  
They walked through the living room, a couple of stragglers from the show’s crowd talking to one another, Jess cringed as they past by a couple entangled on the couch. They walked up the stairs to the second floor passing by family pictures mostly of Melissa as a baby or what looked like her mother in her younger years.   
“Here’s my mom’s room,” Melissa said grabbing his hand again, walking by the large empty room, a mixture of various shades of cream that almost blended into the walls if it weren’t for the large painting of roses above the bed.  
“Here’s the bathroom annnd here’s my room.” She opened the door to a room that mirrored what Jess already imagined. The walls had various posters; Sioux and the Banshees, Christian Death, some bands Jess didn’t recognize but that displayed the same members dress in goth apparel. What wasn’t covered in bands posters, had dried flowers or chains. Her room was neatly that of a 17 year old girl who was locked into her aesthetic, it was so different than Rory’s. Jess walked over to the bookcase, surveilling each level, mostly poetry, beatnik novelists, some classic titles.  
“I know it's nothing compared to the amounts you read,” she looked embarrassed as if she was prepared for him to pick her apart.   
“It's good,” he smirked picking up a copy of Savage Detectives, flipping through its pages.  
He looked over at her bed adorned with dark purple and black, also not surprising.  
“Did you want to..sit down?” she asked, biting her lip.  
He followed her, sitting next to her on her bed. He awkwardly looked around, noticing the picture next to her bed, a father holding a young kid with wild long blonde hair. She was dressed as Robin as he was dressed as Batman, they were happy.   
“So,” she started, breaking him out of his trance. He turned to her, realizing how close they were to one another.  
“So,” he repeated.  
“I’m glad you came. I thought you would.”  
“You were so sure huh?”  
“You know I was,” she repositioned herself, moving a bit closer to him. They leaned into one another as Jess finally brought in the kiss. He could taste her strawberry chapstick as their kiss deepened, masking any of the beer they both drank earlier. She brought her hand into his hair down to his neck causing the hairs to stand up in a chill. As they laid on the bed, Jess felt his thoughts ease out of him, easily replaced by warmth and passion he hadn’t felt in a long time. He never had an issue with intimacy and experience, he used to fool around with the older girl down the hall of his apartment building until she moved onto an actual boyfriend. He followed a similar pattern into highschool, always being the one for fun but not the one asked for commitment. He wasn’t sure what she saw in him, but he didn’t mind.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------  
He snuck into the diner at a quarter after 12. The last hour was a blur of hands on warm body parts and trying to get on clothes in time to catch the last of the band’s set. Melissa leaned into him as they watched, he could still feel the heat radiating off her and wondered if anyone noticed the slight look of dishelevement on both of their faces.

The diner wasn’t eery when dark, the lights from the street outside danced on the walls and reflected off the counter’s edge, it felt almost peaceful. He quietly stepped upstairs, careful to take off his shoes before making the descend. He turned the knob, expecting the silhouette of his uncle sitting there with the same look of disappointment he remembered from the principal’s office, when Taylor accused him of stealing the bridge money, when Babette came in asking for her missing prized gnome, when Liz sent the last of his boxes and they began to take over the apartment. He stepped in, shrouded in darkness, looking over at the bed to find a snoring Luke. He moved forward slowly, snubbing his toe on something hard, holding his breath trying not to curse the air in front of him. Luke turned over and he froze, thinking of excuses that would work if he was caught. When nothing happened, he exhaled and got ready quickly in the bathroom. He laid down, putting on his earphones to listen to Pavement, the loud distorted guitars lulling him to sleep.


	7. Bug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess brings Rory some food - a semi-rewrite!

Jess sat in class, his usual daze and apathy clouding his focus. He was struggling to get through the last half of the semester, he wasn’t invested in this bored curriculum and he could feel the anvil of anxiety mounting on his chest.  
Mrs. Lam handed back papers with a very disappointed face, one he has gotten used to over the last couple of months; they only contained the typed letters that read “I don’t care” and his name. He crumpled up the paper and stuffed it into his backpack. The only thing he looked forward to was afterschool when he could write without any prying eyes. Plus, he could see Melissa who had kept him at an arm’s length since the party stint. He liked her; she understood him, or at least the parts that he chose to show her, she didn’t expect much of him nor did she think less of him like the rest of the town did. His acts of casual flirting were only met with small smiles or occasional glances, even though they already shared their lips and hovering hands.  
He sat next to Melissa as he wrote and she silently cut out various magazine clippings for her eventual zine she was planning about small town music scenes. He looked at her, inspecting her expression.  
“What?” she said without looking at him.  
“Could..you read this?” he said, caught in the act and panicking as to whether that was a good decision or not.  
“You never want me to read your work, why the sudden change?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“If this is some ploy to get me to talk to you-”  
“Forget it, you don’t have to,” he said reclining his offer but waiting there with wide eyes.  
“Fine,” she sighed taking his notebook from him.  
He watched as her eyes move across the page and her irritated look melted, replaced with one of wide-eyed awe as her mouth opened reaching the end. He waited for any sort of response as she put the notebook down.  
“Well..” he finally interjected.  
“Jess, this is..” she trailed off.  
“That bad huh?”   
“This is amazing. I..I’m kind of in shock that you wrote this.”  
“I wouldn’t really praise it that much, I wrote it in the last twenty minutes.”  
“You’re definitely lying, but I appreciate the faked humility.”  
He smirked, finally breaking her a bit.  
“Was this...written to your dad?” she asked with hesitation.  
“Uh..yeah. I guess so.”  
“Its just so, raw and emotional. Are you sure you wrote this?”  
“Geez, am I really that dense?”  
“No. I’m just kidding, I know you’re secretly incredibly soft.”  
“Anyway. I’m thinking of making this a part of my zine.”  
“Have you thought about past this zine?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Like..maybe finding your dad?”  
“No.”  
“Why not? Have you at least thought about the idea?”  
“Not really. He wrote me a letter once in the last seventeen years, I don’t think he wants to be found. At least not by me.”  
“So you have a bit of evidence at least. Did the letter have a return address?” she seemed much more enticed by this idea than he did, but he humored this conversation for the mere fact that they had moved much closer together.  
“He lives in Venice Beach California, or lived, I doubt that he’d still be in the same place. He never stayed in one place.”  
“I’m just saying, don’t you want to heal this piece of you?” she looked at him, his eyes trailing to her lips before she turned away, piecing her hair behind her ear.  
“I think that’s a lost cause,” he said getting up and putting his notebook into his backpack.  
“Okay well, the therapy session is over.”  
“Didn’t ask for it, but thanks,” he said while walking out the door.  
\--------------------------------------------  
He thought about the conversation while wiping an invisible spill on the counter’s table. He never gave his dad much thought, mostly because it hurt too much to think he didn’t have one family member who would care if he didn’t exist. He thought about how dramatic that was and dismissed the thought with a shake of his head.   
“Three donuts please,” Rory said while walking up to the counter.  
“Just for you?”   
“Yes. Is it that weird for a girl to get three donuts for herself?”  
“I’m just saying usually you’re here with your mom and there’s much more of an introduction before the donut picking.”  
“Sorry, I’ve been questioned all day about how my mom isn’t here and how I’m functioning without her for once and everyone seems to be so concerned for me!”  
“I for one fully believe you can eat these three donuts by yourself. In fact, I’ve seen you do it on more than one occasion and then some. I’m just wondering what you’re doing alone on a Saturday night.”  
“Thanks for the support. Well my mom’s out with my Grandma and Dean’s working so I’m having a night in. I have it all planned out; indian food, marathon of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, lots of junk food, sleep early. It doesn’t sound as exciting saying this out loud to you,” she blushed.  
“Indian food? You’ll stink up the whole house.”  
“I plan on it. Wait..that’s not what I meant. Well anyway, I’m getting out of here before I embarrass myself even more but I’ll be seeing you soon I’m sure, pizza tomorrow?” she sighed as her blush returned to her face.  
Jess smirked,”Sounds like a plan.”  
He didn’t know what came over him, but something about Rory being alone sounded enticing so next thing he knew he was bringing over every item she ever ordered and knocking on her door.  
“What are you doing here?” Rory said as she answered the door, a flush coming over her cheeks.  
“Luke figured since you were alone tonight that you wouldn’t have any food in the house, so he sent over a care package.”  
“I don’t need a care package. I ordered food from Sandeep’s remember?”  
“Huh, going through with torching the place after then?”  
“Jess-”  
“Where should I put this?”  
“Well-”  
“Kitchen?” he answered his own question as he walked past Rory into the house.  
“Um, sure,” he heard Rory sign behind him.  
“God, how much food is in there? This could feed 12.” They unloaded the box’s contents onto the kitchen table; a plethora of every origin imaginable, mostly Rory’s favorites - mac n cheese, cheese burgers, chili cheese fries, pie, ice cream - most of which made him nauseated looking at, but it was for her.  
“Excuse me, I’ve seen you eat.”  
“Fine, 6.”  
“Well he wanted you taken care of, wasn’t sure how long your mom was going to be gone for.”  
“Just tonight. I told you.”  
“Oh, he didn’t know that.”  
“Well now you can tell him. How come Casear didn’t bring this over? I thought you’d have plans on a Friday night..like with Melissa.”  
He eyed her, already mentally cursing Lane’s big mouth, “I don’t have plans. Besides, I wanted to get out of the construction zone Luke started.”  
“The what?”  
“Well..its a long story. There’s a giant hole upstairs where my bed’s going.”  
“What?”  
“Did you think I came over to see you?”  
“No,” she smirked at him.  
“Aren’t you going to eat?”  
“Maybe.”  
“Fries are getting cold.”  
“They’re better cold.”  
“Well you’re still standing there.”  
“I didn’t get a tip.”  
“Do you want a fry?”  
“Sure,” he said while sitting down.  
“You’re still standing there, want to join?”  
“So you’re joining now?” she asked with slight annoyance.  
“You said this was enough for 6, so let’s say 4 now.”  
“Fine, but-”  
“I can’t find my flashcards,” an anxious girl with long-blonde hair and angry eyes said as she suddenly entered the room.  
“I..didn’t know you had company,” Jess said as he pointed to her with a fry.  
“This is Paris, we were just studying.”  
“Don’t worry I was just leaving, if you find my flashcards, call me okay.”  
“No, stay. For dinner,” Rory said while Jess looked at her.   
“But I thought-”  
“We have a ton of food and we can go over the notes more later.”  
“You’re sure?”  
“Positive.”  
“Is that mac n cheese?”  
“Yes.”  
“I can’t have mac n cheese.”  
“Splurge.”  
“Is there a 24 mart of some sort with a doctor that can help any ailment just in case something happens?”  
“Believe it or not, there is.”  
“Okay, let me just call nanny and let her know!”  
Jess watched as Rory sat beside him with a stack of plates and utensils for them to share.  
“Interesting,” he said.  
“What is?”  
“You think we need a chaperone?”  
“No. I’m just being polite. Plus you said our food goes down to 4 with us and now its down to 2. Works out.”  
“Works out well,” he sighed as he forked more food onto his plate.  
\--------------------------------------------  
“A tragic waste of paper,” Paris said while biting into a piece of cornbread.  
“I can’t believe you just said that.”  
“Well its true, the Beats’ writing was completely self-indulgent. I have one word for Jack Kerouac - Edit.”  
“It was not self-indulgent. The Beats believed in shocking people, stirring things up,” Jess countered.  
“They believed in drugs, booze, and petty crime.”  
“Then you can say they exposed you to a world that you wouldn’t have otherwise known. Isn’t that what great writing is all about?” Rory offered a hand while Jess pointed to her with a corn cob.  
“That wasn’t great writing, that was the National Enquirer of the 50s.”  
“You’re cracked,” Jess said with a mouth full of food.   
“Typical guy response! Worship anything by Kerouac or Bukowski, Godforbid you pick up anything by Jane Austen.”  
“Hey, I’ve read Jane Austen.”  
“You have?” Paris looked almost shocked by this revelation as Rory smiled into her plate.  
“Yeah and I think she would’ve liked Bukowski.”  
“What are you doing?”  
“Salt and pepper dip, only way to eat a fry.”  
“Its fast-food gospel.”  
“How do you feel about hot sauce?”  
“I don’t know, I’ve never tried it. Should I?”  
“Oh yeah,” Jess offered a slop mix of mayo and hot sauce as the phone rang.  
He could hear a flustered Rory coming from the other room. Her responses offering a flood of white lies to the other end. It was Dean.  
“Wow, you know I just noticed the time and its getting really late,” she said as she walked in on their poetry talk.  
“Its 7 o’clock.”  
“I know but Paris and I still have a lot more studying to do. Jess, please thank Luke for me, it was really nice of him,” she said while handing him his jean jacket.   
“Who was that on the phone?”  
“No one.”  
“No one wouldn’t happen to be heading over here right now would he?”  
“Jess-”  
“What’s going on?” Paris asked.  
“Nothing,” Rory smiled uncomfortably.  
“Dean’s on his way over and Rory doesn’t want him to find me here.”  
“Why?”  
“Yeah. Why? We’re just eating dinner.”  
“You know why.”  
“I don’t actually. I thought this was squared away already. Could it be that he still doesn’t want you to be my friend.”  
“You’re my friend and I’m really trying to avoid having a fight with Dean about this so please go,” she pleaded with him, her eyes a steady shade of intense crystal blue.   
“Okay. I’m going,” he clenched his jaw, grabbing his jacket from her hands as he rose.  
“Ow, oh, you really shouldn’t walk after eating the amount of food we just did. I better go lie down.”  
“Jess!” she pushed him backwards towards the door.  
“You’re no fun when you’re tense! Are you sure you want me to go? Maybe this whole thing can be settled. Me and Dean can just sit down and have a little heart to heart, he can tell me his issues I can tell him mine-”  
“Jess!” she tried to open the door, but he was pressed right against it.  
“Okay, okay!” he said as he opened the door as Dean was about to knock. Dean’s relaxed face instantly turned stern as they made eye contact. Jess almost smirked out of discomfort and for the fact that this situation couldn’t be more textbook.  
“Dean-” Rory started.  
“Rory what’s going on? You told me you were studying tonight. Alone and then he’s here, what are you doing here?”  
He was about to start before Rory sent him a death glare. “I am studying, Jess is just here be-”  
“I thought you were getting alone time which I respected and I just wanted to spend time with you. I can’t believe you would ditch me to hangout with him-”  
“Hey, I’m just about to go. Was just dropping off some food for Rory and Paris. So you don’t need to do that towering over me thing or that stern face thing because this isn’t a big deal.”  
Jess said his peace before stepping down the porch as Rory and Dean fell silent. He mouthed a quick “Sorry” to Rory as they exchanged glances, her face only reading the unneeded guilt that he technically set up for her.   
He stood in front of her front door, wondering if this was a good idea, though he often went with his first impulse. The adrenaline rush of semi-telling Dean off was enough for him not to sleep that night.   
He knocked, hoping her mom wasn’t home, his watch reading 9pm.  
She opened her door, wrapping her robe around her.  
“Ah Jess Mariano. Shrouded in night once again. Seems to be the only way we meet,” Melissa said with a slight sigh.  
“Sunlight isn’t too flattering for me.”  
She tucked her hair behind her ear, her eyes the greenest he’s seen them considering how bare her face was. She stepped aside, letting him in.  
\---------------------------------------------------------  
He stood at the cash register, re-reading the same line of The Metamorphosis over and over again   
“I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself.”   
Another moment of sheer coincidence that could make him laugh if it wasn’t so obvious. Then she came in, a little late for a Sunday morning but he’d take it. They hadn’t seen each other since the incident the night before and he was finally feeling the residual guilt of his impulse to hangout with her. But to his defense, he thought Dean was at least tolerant of them being friends. He thought this over a million times and was ready for the conversation at this point, the words waiting on the tip of his tongue.   
“Hey,” she said casually sitting on the counter in front of him.  
“Hey,” he tried to act cool, the usual straight face as he pretended to dog-ear his book, not to lose his place.  
“The usual and make it snappy, Dean’s supposed to meet me soon.”  
He looked at her, a little confused on the matter and whether he should act as if they weren’t friends if Dean decided to make a Westside Story scene happen in the diner.  
“Oh, funny story - Paris has a fake crush on you.”  
“That’s the story?” he smirked.  
“Well, after last night when Dean-well you know, you were there. Paris came out and announced she had a crush on you so this was all a set-up for you two to talk and Dean seemed to have bought it so.”  
“Huh. I thought he knew we were friends.”  
“I thought Luke brought the food over last night, but,” she smiled at him with a bit of mischief, hinting at a duel of white lies.  
“Cherry danish okay? We’re out of blueberry today.”  
“Already?I assumed Luke would save me one being that I come in every day.”  
“Well Luke wasn’t sure you’d be coming in today, considering your long night..alone.”  
“Cherry’s fine,” she rolled her eyes, picking up his book.  
“Have you read it? Re-reading it for English. You know, has a different perspective when you aren’t twelve anymore.”  
“Ah yes, the re-read out of middle school, I know that well. Its one of my favorites by him actually.”  
“You like Kafka? Seems a bit too surreal for your tastes.”  
“What’s the supposed to mean!”  
“Well you love Dostoyevsky.”  
“And?! They’re from the same vein.”  
“How?” he asked  
“The Trial,” they said in unison and laughed.   
They continued their argument as Jess looked over to see Dean looking at them through the diner window, Lorelai just behind.  
“Looks like you’re needed.”  
“It’s okay, he’s early,” she said as she grabbed another danish to bag and gathered her things.  
“Is this...okay? Us being friends?” he asked, deciding to fight his anxiety in search of some sort of stability amongst his jumbled feelings.  
“I only fear danger where I want to fear it,” she smiled at him.  
He looked after her as she walked out the door.

Then his head sank to the floor of its own accord and from his nostrils came the last faint flicker of his breath


	8. I Wanna Be Adored

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess and Rory go to New York  
> *semi-rewrite of Lorelai's Graduation day

He woke up that morning and knew it was the day to do it. He’d been thinking about it for weeks since the seed of his father’s existence came back into his brain. He hopped out of bed, got ready for school, grabbed breakfast downstairs and tried to act like it was a normal day. It didn’t help that the school faced Luke’s so cutting class had to be discrete.  
“You’re up early,” Luke said.  
“School,” Jess said, grabbing a danish from underneath its globe.  
“Right. School’s going well?” he seemed suspicious.  
“Still teaching those ABCs.”  
He squinted at Jess, a usual sign that he couldn’t pin-point what he was up to but didn’t have time for his smart ass ways. He was in the clear.   
He grabbed a cup of coffee walked out the door before Luke could say anything more, heading into school. There were enough people in the hall that he could easily sneak out the backdoor. He snuck past his usual teachers’ doors, waiting for them to turn their backs or be distracted by another student. He was hoping it wasn’t a day that the narc attendance monitor would be waiting on the back lawn. He was prepared with an excuse just in case.  
He opened the back and closed the door right behind him, looking out there was only students standing around talking to one another, but no monitors or teachers to be seen. He snuck over the low fence, finding the bus stop that was most surrounded by trees. It would take him hours to get there, but he knew what he needed and Liz wouldn’t be around until later that night.  
He froze across from the bus stop, seeing Rory there immersed in a book. She usually drove or took an earlier bus; he could feel a chill run down his back at having to confess. Rory looked up as he continued standing there, motionless and unsure of his next move.  
She gave him a confused face, “Hey!” she yelled across the street. He walked across the street with the hesitation of quicksand.  
“Hey. Didn’t think I would see you here.”  
“Had a free period so I too my time this morning. I think the better question is, what are you doing here?”  
“I’m uh..going to New York,” he strung the words along slowly hoping that would be enough to answer her questions in one swoop.  
“New York?”  
“Yeah, ever been?” if anything, he was good at avoiding questions as long as possible.  
“Yeah. Once, mostly Manhattan, well we tried to go but my mom drove around for an hour trying to find parking before giving up and drive to New Haven for tacos instead. What about class?”  
“What about it? I need to get some things I left behind. Liz hasn’t sent me everything so..”  
“Oh. You’re going by yourself?”  
“Well Yeah. Liz is out for the day. Dave too. It’ll be quick.”  
“Oh.”  
They stood there in silence for what seemed like forever as Rory stared off biting her lip in concentration as she often did. He couldn’t help but be transfixed by it every time.  
“I’m coming with you,” she said matter-of-factly.  
“Okay,” Jess smirked.  
He didn’t mind the company considering he didn’t exactly want to step into his childhood apartment at all. As they boarded the bus together, they talked along the way but mostly read the books they brought before transferring to the bus that would ultimately take them there. Rory stared out the window as they approached the familiar skyline, her eyes reflecting the clear blue skies outside. Jess’ stomach sank, he missed it here.  
Penn Station was the usual heavy foot traffic as they walked to the lockers by the bus line so Rory wouldn’t have to carry around her bookbag all day. He watched her struggle with amusement as she stuck out like a sore thumb in her school uniform.  
They walked onto the sidewalk outside, slightly blinded by the sun, immediately getting shoved aside by pedestrians. Jess grabbed Rory and took them to the side of a building to fine off being trampled.   
“Foot traffic is a little nuts here. We’re in Midtown,” he updated her and he could see her fascination with his city already.   
“Where to?” she asked looking at him with excitement.  
“Well everything worth looking at will be in Brooklyn. C’mon,” Jess said motioning towards the subway.  
“We can’t walk?”  
“We could, but that would take hours and a literal bridge to cross over,” he laughed slightly, trying not to insult her.  
“Oh,” she giggled, face a little reddened.  
The trains towards Brooklyn were generally not as busy during this hour which he was thankful for. He felt at home among the crowds of people he could disappear in, but he hadn’t been there in so long he had to admit it was more foreign.  
They stepped off the subway in Crown Heights, Jess’ old neighborhood. Though it changed throughout his life, the general feeling of community was always there. He waved to the regulars he recognized on the street as they walked a couple of blocks before getting to his apartment building.  
“Wow,” Rory said as she looked around.  
“What?”  
“I just haven’t seen you like this before. You almost look happy,” she teased.  
“Funny. I don’t know, this is where I grew up. Its home.”  
“What’s Stars Hollow to you?”  
“I don’t know. Complicated?” he smirked.  
The apartment was huge, though it grew smaller the older he became, it stuck out slightly from its much prettier brownstoned neighbors. He could already smell the old carpet and cleaner as soon as he laid eyes on it.  
“Are you ready?” Rory asked after some time of them standing before the front entrance.  
“I don’t think so,” he said while opening the door.  
The inside was just as much of a maze as he remembered, there were too many staircases that lead to wrong destinations and the elevator was just as sketchy as he left it. He couldn’t even count the number of times he was stuck in there when he was a kid. They opted for the stairs, albeit his apartment was on the fifth floor.   
“How ya doing?” Jess tried not to laugh as he noticed how exasperated Rory was behind him.  
“You did this every day?” she huffed as they reached the last steps.   
“Better than getting stuck in the elevator.”  
Reaching his familiar hallway he was struck with a wave of deja vu that was enough for him to feel dizzy; nauseated he did his best to push back against the feeling. His door was at the end of the hall, number 55B, everything began to slow. He brought out his carabiner again, bringing closer the keychain that was necessary. He hadn’t noticed his breath slowly being exhaled or his hand shaking trying to reach the key into the small slot.  
Rory grabbed his other hand next to him, interlacing her fingers with his. He looked over to her and exhaled as he refocused on the key slot. The door creaked open as it always did and he half-expected to see Liz there asleep on the couch while Dave watched TV too loudly, his face warped into an angry stare as soon as he walked through the door. But there was no one, the only sounds could be heard from the street below the window and the apartment itself.  
He hadn’t noticed they were still holding hands until he reached his room. Rory let go, looking away as he looked at her, tucking an imaginary strand of hair behind her ear. He felt a pang in his chest and couldn’t tell if it was the absence of her hand or because of where they were right now. The door to his room was already open, if you could still call it his room. It was bare besides the mattress on the floor, a desk, a bookcase, and a couple of lone boxes that have yet to be sent. He quickly shifted through a box as carefully as he could, trying not to disturb its contents enough to be noticed. He knew exactly what he was looking for.  
“I found it,” he said mostly to himself, looking up to remember that Rory was there watching him the whole time. He held up a copy of The Old Man and the Sea; he examined its worn cover and opened it slowly to the middle where what appeared to be a bookmark was actually revealed to be a folded envelope.  
“This was the only letter my dad ever sent me. On my fifth birthday of course,” he scoffed. He put it back into the folds of the book which he then stuffed into his backpack along with a couple other books, cds, and small childhood trinkets he didn’t think would be missed. He folded the box as it was, inching it towards the desk it was by along with the other.  
“Let’s go,” he motioned towards Rory.  
He didn’t fully feel relief until he finally exhaled outside, his heartbeat slowing down to a rate that wasn’t weary of a heart attack. They walked silently together, he could feel Rory look at him every other second, waiting for him to say something, but he had nothing.  
“You hungry?” he asked after he put some distance between them and the apartment.  
“Starved,” she replied as if the word had been waiting on the tip of her tongue this whole time.  
“I know a place,” they made their way to the subway again, this time Rory seemed less apprehensive.  
“This is amazing,” Rory said as she took a bit of her hot dog.  
“Glad you like it,” Jess smiled.   
“I feel very urban today.”  
“Oh yeah, the plaid just screams urban.”  
“I think I look like a native.”  
He nodded, trying not to laugh. They sat on a bench in a nearby park, finishing their hotdogs as they people watched.  
“Jess..” Rory said after they had been sitting for awhile.  
“Yeah?”  
“Are you okay?”  
“I’m fine.”  
“Like, really fine? Or you don’t want to talk about it fine.”  
“A mixture of both I think.”  
“If you want to talk about it..”  
“There’s nothing to talk about. I just..don’t really know what I should do now.”  
“With your dad’s letter?”  
“Yeah. I don’t even know if this address is accurate. What kind of person stays in place for this long? What would he even have to say?”  
“How many Jimmy Marianos are there in Venice Beach?” she asked.  
“Good point.”  
“You could always try.”  
“Oh yeah, with my diner money?”  
“It doesn’t have to be now. It could be when you’re ready.”  
“Yeah,” he nodded, not holding his breath for the idea.  
“How much time you got?” he asked as he thought of the one place he wanted to see while he was here.  
“A bit.”   
“There’s a record store you should really check out. Its run by this insane freak who’s like a walking encyclopedia for every punk and garage band record ever made. Catalog numbers, its crazy. The place is right out of High Fidelity.”  
“Let’s go.”  
“Don’t kill me, but we have to take a subway again.”  
“I’m used to them now. Remember, I’m a native.”  
“Alright,” he smirked.   
They stepped down into what could be best described as a dungeon turned record store. Posters lined each wall to the point that there was a thick layer of paste residue, obscuring the fliers underneath. Each section was written off into sub-genres of punk, all alphabetical, all mostly unknown.  
“I haven’t even heard of half these bands,” Jess said as she shifted through each aisle.  
“I love that about this place. God Lane would want to live here.”   
“Who’s Slint?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“Grunge band out of Kentucky. Two albums plus a double A-side single. Disbanded in ‘94,” said what appeared to be the insane freak that owned the place. Sporting a cut-off vest, thick-rimmed glasses, and a shaggy haircut - was he a missing member of the Ramones?  
“Thanks,” Jess responded as he looked over to Rory with a cock in his brow, she smiled.   
“Oh my god.”  
“What?”  
“Look!”  
“The Go-Gos, must have that one,” he said sarcastically.  
“No for my mom! This was her favorite group when she was my age. And its signed by Belinda! This would be the perfect graduation present. I was looking for something all week long and I couldn’t find anything and now I have Belinda.”  
“Graduation?”  
“Oh from college, I told you about that I think. She finished her business classes.”  
“Oh right. I’m surprised she has time for anything except for lighting darts on fire and throwing them at my picture.”  
“It's not a lot of time but.”  
“Uh huh, well go on get it she’ll like it.”  
“Thank you for much for bringing me here. This was fate.”  
“I think it was.”  
He continued shifting through the stacks and smiled to himself. If nothing came from this trip besides getting to spend time with Rory, he would be okay with that, even just this moment. They made their descent back to Stars Hollow a little after 2, they would be home just in time for Rory to make it to the graduation and have no need for an excuse. That was until the second bus stalled for almost an hour longer than they figured it would, realizing too late they didn’t take the express.  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t think it was going to take this long.”  
“Its okay, I mean buses stall all the time. I’m sure I can come up with something like, ‘hey went to New York and got you this record, hope your graduation was great,’” she was flustered and Jess couldn’t find the words to help the situation.  
“At least you got Belinda right?” he said before noticing her face getting more upset by the second.  
“Belinda! Oh my god I must have forgotten her on the other bus. Great!”  
They sat in silence as the bus finally started moving and Rory looked out the window to pass the time. Jess muttered something under his breath that was only audible to him and maybe the small dog that was sitting in the aisle besides them.  
“What?”   
“I said um why did you come with me today? You skipped school and now you’re going to be late for your mom’s graduation. That’s so not like you.”  
“I..wanted to be there for you. We don’t get to see each other much and..I don’t know, I wanted someone to be there for you.”  
“Oh..thanks,” he looked over at her as they exchanged a shy smile before going back into silence. He had a feeling this day, this letter, would change everything.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------  
They waited on the porch together, their silent agreement waiting for the backlash to come. It wasn’t long before Lorelai pulled up in her car, Jess could already feel her stare before she even stepped out.  
Rory ran up to her, “I’m so so sorry.”  
“Hm, you’re okay right?”  
“Yes.”  
“Everything’s working, nothing’s broken?”  
“I’m fine.”  
“Anyone you know like Lane or someone suddenly get sick today or..ah Jess,” he could feel the contempt in her voice.  
“Hi.”  
“You should really go home. Luke was looking for you today. Didn’t think you would both be here but here we all are just having a hoot right?”  
“Mom.”  
“I’ll just go. Bye Rory,” he said with apologetic eyes. He didn’t fully leave, half curious as to what was going to be said and how Rory would handle it, he hid nearby behind a tree. Often this was the hiding spot as Lorelai stepped out in the morning for work and Jess waited for Rory to walk her to the bus.  
“I know you’re hurt,” Rory started.  
“Yeah you bet I’m hurt, Rory I really wanted you there today. More than anything, you’re why I did this stupid thing in the first place.”  
“I know.”  
“It was a once in a lifetime thing, you should have been there. My best friend should have been there. Whatever it was that kept you, you should’ve gotten out of it, just this once. Was it school?”  
“It wasn’t school.”  
“Was it Paris?”  
“It wasn’t Paris.”  
“Well then what was it?”  
“Its so stupid.”  
“Rory, where were you, what happened?”  
“I cut school!”  
“You what?” the sound of disbelief wasn’t exactly surprising to Jess.  
“I cut school and I got on a bus with Jess and I don’t even know why I did it. I have no excuse, I was just waiting for the bus this morning after first period and Jess walks up and says he’s going to New York and I just..went with him. To New York. I cut class to go to New York with Jess. I must have had a stroke or something, what does a stroke feel like?”  
“I don’t know, not good probably.”  
“I cut school and got on a bus with Jess to New York and that’s it, I’m grounded for six months or seven and no TV, no stereo, no reading in fact take all of my books away from me and lock them up.”  
“Hold on here, you went to New York with Jess?”  
“And no magazines either and I’m going to do all the housework. Laundry and dishes, in fact we’re gonna start eating at home so we have dishes.”  
“Rory stop, why did you go to New York..with Jess?”  
“To help him.”  
“With what?”  
“He needed to get these papers. Wait first he needed to go to his apartment while his mom and his mom’s boyfriend were out. And he needed to get these important papers. And I didn’t think he could do it alone because no one looks out for him here. He’s alone you know? It was the stroke, it made me someone else.”  
“Okay, Rory-”  
“I’m a horrible person.”  
“You’re not a horrible person-”  
“I’m ill, I’m cracked, this is not who I am, I don’t cut school. I wouldn’t skip school when I have finals coming up to go to New York with Jess and end up missing my mother’s graduation which I wanted to be at so badly. That’s someone else, that’s someone flighty and irresponsible and selfish. I mean I missed your graduation which is the worst thing I could have possibly done. I mean I hurt you and I had to spend hours on a stinky delayed bus just thinking about all the minutes that went by that I wasn’t at your graduation and they were hurting you and they should’ve been hurting you cause it was so selfish of this person who wasn’t me to do what she did.”  
“Okay, my god, take a breath.”  
Jess still stood there, hidden and frozen, partially stuck by the situation and partially impressed by how much Rory could ramble.  
“I don’t deserve a breath, no breaths, you should add that to the list.”  
“Okay look, no one wants to say this anymore than me but maybe you don’t have a medical condition or a mental problem. Maybe honey, you are falling for Jess.”  
“No. He’s my friend. I love Dean. Dean is my boyfriend, he will always be my boyfriend. That’s it, forever.”  
“Well maybe not forever.”  
“Yes, forever. I love Dean. And Jess is my friend and that’s it, nothing more.”  
“Rory you cut school.”  
“Yeah I know.”  
“You got on a bus and went to a strange city in your school uniform with Jess. To hel Jess.”  
“I know!”  
“Well that doesn’t mean nothing, that means something!”  
“No I don’t want to talk about this anymore!”  
“Rory!”  
They finally went inside after what seemed like a lifetime of waiting. Now that he had the opportunity, Jess couldn’t move, he felt cemented in place with a pang in his chest.   
So, that was it, it is what it is he thought as he swallowed the phantom lump in his chest.  
\-----------------------------------------  
Jess opened the door to the diner as Luke was closing up. He looked over at him expecting the death stare that he was mentally preparing for as soon as he walked to the bus stop that morning.  
“Where were you?” Luke said bluntly as he set down his rag and furrowed his brows.  
“I-” he tried to start.  
“I know where you were. Lorelai and I figured it out pretty quickly that you skipped school with Rory. This is how it's going to be now? You can make these bad decisions Jess and I expect them at this point, but to bring Rory into it?”  
“Hey she made her own decision. I didn’t ask her to come with me.”  
“Somehow I don’t believe you.”  
“I could care less if you believe me, you’re only angry because Lorelai is involved, you wouldn’t even have noticed if it wasn’t for her.”  
“Hey do you want to know where I was this whole day? Your school, talking to your principal, who isn’t the biggest fan of you by the way. He says you’re going to flunk out of this grade unless you get your act together.”  
“I don’t care,” Jess laughed slightly, returning to his neutral glance as he noticed Luke’s face steam up.  
“You will care when you’re stuck in this town and working for pennies at the gas station down the street!”  
“Maybe I can own a diner,” he spoke back as he brushed past him to go upstairs.  
“We’re not done here Jess,” Luke said looking after him.  
“Great, looking forward to finishing this enlightening conversation later. I’m going upstairs.”  
He sat on the couch, absorbing his day, letting his decisions sink in. He grabbed his backpack looking at his old withered Hemingway, feeling pretty similar to how he felt when he first acquired it - tired, numb, rejected.  
He looked at the opened envelope, its edges bent and crinkled, unfolded the letter within, a small picture falling out. It was of what he assumed was his father and a small baby in his arms. When he looked at it he almost felt like he was looking in a mirror, he knew he looked like his father and couldn’t help but feel that same pang in his chest. The letter was short, it included nothing out of the ordinary, almost as if they were supposed to be more frequent - he asked what his favorite books were, what did he think of the pizza joints in his neighborhood, if he enjoyed school. Hot tears in his eyes formed without his consent, a mixture of anger and pain. To think his father wrote one letter to him with the most miniscule thought, did anyone care about him?   
He got ready for bed even though it was only 9pm by the time he was able to get up from the couch. Luke nowhere to be found. He laid in the dimly lit room, exhausted by his own emotions, drifting into his memories until his eyes finally closed.


End file.
